Her biggest nightmare was not knowing what to do next in life.
I’ve always been the person who had Plan A, B and C ready. Probably even more. I was always well prepared..sorted. Today, I’m not sure about anything. I don’t know which way to go, what plan to work on, which life to choose..
Often, I shut my eyes and try hard to listen to what my heart really, really wants. Damn the noise pollution within, I don’t hear shit. Maybe because my brain is too loud. Or I’ve lost my power to discriminate the voices in my mind..
Maybe I had to experience what it’s like being this way, maybe it was long overdue.
I’m sure this too shall pass. It needs to get better. It will, right?
I don’t like being like this. I don’t like having tears all the time. It gets so frustrating feeling this way. The shrink says fall in love with yourself. When did I stop loving myself and how come I never figured it out? Why did I not know and take charge of it. Why did I let it become so bad that I don’t remember changing into this.
I’ve been home for a week for my diwali break. I still don’t feel better.Why don’t I feel better.. Why am I so disinterested in making it better..
I have never shed a tear for years, are all the tears coming out together now?
I just want to be happy.. Genuinely happy, from the bottom of my heart happy.