Desperate for home.

Be careful of what you wish for, because it might actually come true.

Being a teacher in a low income school has been rather frustrating. Each day I’m fighting with the redundant system. And that isn’t even a major part of my struggle here, in the city of dreams.

Mumbai! I entered this city some months ago with a strong sense of possibility brewing within me. Today, I wish I hadn’t come here. I wish I was back home continuing with my struggle there.

Life here has been miserable. I’m dragging myself through this, one day at a time. Maybe I’m tired of my failed attempts at making it better. But have I really tried my all? Is it truly my time to pack up and leave? I don’t know.

“Its just a phase” “It gets better” “You’re just homesick” “Its been 5 months, give it time” “Why don’t you go out” “Just chill”

I’m so sick of hearing this from the few close people I talk to that its become self deprecatingly humorous.

I live with a mentally unstable PG lady and really mean selfish people. They comprise of most of my struggle. Figuring out your meals, teaching 61 kids alone, being in a long distance relationship, the wobbly and exhausting structure of the organisation I work for, having my only friend 20 kms away from me and close relatives 30 kms away, missing my parents and brothers, missing my friends, missing adi.. Figuring out how this city isn’t for me. I’m way too simple and boring to survive in this manipulative world that I never wish to be a part of..

I don’t know if its depression that’s set in, or really “just a phase” like everyone says. I want to go back home.. I want to go home.

I really really want to go home, and never come to this city again.

I want to go home, not for some random break. I want to leave and go back home.

Are you listening God?

+ PinkDragon +






All that glitters isn’t Tinsel

It’s two years old. I miss her. A lot actually. It’s just that we grow up and have less and less time to catch up with the people we love and miss, even though we probably do NOTHING constructive cause that’s how lazy we are.
Hey there, you! I miss you. And someone somewhere wishes the best for you. 🙂


Look up at the midnight sky, there’s hardly any stars up there anymore visible to us. At least not in the part of  the city where I live. Some are hiding and some have lost their way and dropped down on Earth. One such star is Tinsel.

If you’ve seen Peter Pan and noticed ‘Tinker Bell

the glow around her is exactly what I see around Tinsel. She’s always surrounded by the glow of the stardust!

Had I seen the movie after I got to know her, I swear I’d have been out there, screaming my lungs out, “I do believe in fairies!

She’s one of the nicest person I’ve come across in the past eighteen years of my life! I love you so so so so so so much!!

And yes, she’s also the one who’s been a huge inspiration for me writing a blog today!!

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HNY it is!

Happy New Year everyone! 🙂

Happy 2k15 everyone. I hope you all have a great year! May this year bring in a lot of positivism and happiness. May we all become better individuals. May we all get closer to where we intend to reach in our lives.

Let’s start this new year on an insightful note. Let us all respect the ones who love and care for us. A lot of us complain of not being treated the right way by our loved ones. How about we change our perspectives. If we treat everyone we meet with kindness and sincerity and vouch never to intentionally hurt someone with our insensitive words and consciously make an effort to screen our sharp words maybe, just maybe we wont be treated that way too.


Work hard, love enough and partyyy! Cause baby, we all just have one lifetime to do everything that we want to.

+ PinkDragon +

Are we ever ‘ready’ to lose our loved ones?

One of my closest friends lost her mother today morning. Aunty was one of the happiest people I knew, always cracking jokes and someone who had an absolutely delightful sense of humor. She hadn’t been taking her pressure medicines from a few days which caused her pressure to drop alarmingly, which eventually led to brain hemorrhage. All of this happened in just 4 days.. Where ever you are aunty, may you rest in peace. I promise I’ll take care of A.

More than often we procrastinate. “I’ll catch up tomorrow” or “I’m waiting for the right time” or “After my exams or this particular date, I’ll spend time or figure things out”. Unconsciously, we take life for granted. So much so that life has to sometimes wake us up in the most unexpected of ways. No matter how much I do, I will never really understand my friend’s pain of losing her mother. We can never ever be ready to lose our loved ones..

A, you know I love you. I always have and I always will. I’m sorry but you have to bear with my lame jokes and stupid one liners which make you laugh none the less. Your wall will always be there. My extremely long bear hugs are reserved, just for you.

Always. :*

+ PinkDragon +

The blur.

This is going to be one of those blog posts where I’ll be doing the thinking and writing together.
I have this question that has been on my mind for a very long time.
What hurts more?
The person you love being emotionally close to someone, truly connecting to someone on a level that would make you feel ‘why not me?’ or that person kissing someone at one randomly guilty moment with no intent whatsoever.

I dont know how many people have read the book “I dint break up, she did. I just kissed someone else.” It’s trashy fiction, wont deny that. But, it has the power to stir something inside you and connect to some if not many of the characters. I had read it back when I was seventeen and now that im reading it again, I can feel my entire perspective getting a more clear and different view from what it did before. It’s crazy how maturity changes so much about how a person looks at things.

I know exactly what lust and love is, and also how blurred the line is that divides it.
You can love someone as truly as possible but there has to be a hint of lust cause how else are you going to be satisfied. But then again, how would you know if your lust overpowers your love? Cause its one hell of a thing. What if it wasn’t love at all, it was lust all along cause when you get something good, you want it continuously with the hidden mask of love and relationship which makes your lust apparently..  justifiable.
Deb was in a relationship for years. An average looking guy in a relationship with an absolute stunner. People envied him, sex was good, it was all rosy with a little fight here and there, all in all life was good for him until something happened that changed his life. The moment he is alone with another girl, he ends up kissing her twice in fifteen days. And parallel to all this, he kept doubting his girl avantika.
Why did he kiss that girl? Why did he feel so close to her? Why did he empathise with her? Why was he always strangely concerned? Why was every mention of this girl malini have a more warm essence to it, and a more possession kind of essence when he referred to his own girlfriend?
Just because she was beautiful and he thought he was average, he always thought he was plain lucky to have her for this long.

One can argue that he always said the right things to her that would well her eyes up. But are words everything? Why dint he do the right things? He couldn’t do something as rudimentary as trusting her, then what good could all the wonderful words do?

Its like you decorate the tree, keep the leaves and stems glistening with perfect trimming and sprinkles of water to make it look fresh and beautiful. You forget about the most important thing, the roots. You dont water the roots with the water adequately needed. It eventually starts.. rotting.

He expected forgiveness when he kissed another woman and his girl saw it right infront of her eyes, yet he couldn’t forgive her girl when she said she did something more with someone.
That girl dint say a word to him about his character and he crossed all boundaries of torturing a person with accusations when his girlfriend did something. Which in reality, she dint. There was a random mention of ‘girls are the ones who forgive and guys would never do it if it were them’ at a football get together which got avantika thinking and she tested deb.
He not only left her, he left with her a memory of snide remarks and horrible accusations. He sure missed her, but his male ego overpowered everything.
He stayed with malini for 2 months in the same house. Made out with her, tended to her when she was ill, cooked for her, cared for her, went out with her and let her do all that for him. He loved her. Every single day.

As his joining date for his job had come and he had to leave for mumbai, malini treated him at this ridiculously expensive resort where he bumped into the guy with whom avantika had cheated him. But did she really do it? No. He finally gets to know that nothing had happened and she was just testing him.


All this while she kept telling him that her love for him was everything and one mistake dint matter. He dint give a shit. He really dint. It hurt him, but his male ego was hurt way too much for him to go back.

Deb went back to avantika, leaving malini. After those 2 months, he really did have it in him to go back to her. Another way of looking at things, after 3 years, he actually did leave avantika.

Oh boy, all these feelings and the cobweb they create with the number of people involved. I feel sad for malini. I really do. As I know this story is based on true events, it makes my heart sink a little more. But fiction or no fiction, im sure this happens a hell lot these days. The more open we’ve become, the more selfish it has made us.

The love and lust difference? Or designating the level at which these two should overlap or balance out is way too blurry. Can you get both from the same person, ideally you should and I believe thats how it should be. But what if the person right infront of you is so sure at convincing himself or herself falsely that they really dont get the difference or unconsciously ignore it? The society doesn’t accept such questions and finds it rather bold or ‘wrong’ for people to point it out but hey, its true.

You can either think over it and save your life from any such complications that may arise by being clear in your own head or you can shove this to some distant part in your head and never think about it again, cause its too much thinking & we all are more prone to flight!

+ PinkDragon +

Fill the void with Immense strength.

Oh Lord, give me strength, Pure Sheer Strength,

To reach where I want to, to be kickass in the paper I am about to give in May. To be independent and indispensable where ever I belong professionally and, personally.
To love something so beautiful that I can be my real self and have no fear of being stranded. To feel so beautiful that being around makes my heart flutter like the wings of a hummingbird. Coming to think of everything, I have no idea what will happen in the future. Professional front, I have aims to go towards. Personal front, I have no idea.
Will I be alone all my life and probably have a litter of puppies and an aquarium to my sanctity or the constant solitude will make me a hep hippie who travels and lives alone. Or maybe, maybe I’ll be someone who has a happy ending to the sleeping alone and a true love start to sharing beds, legally.

Oh Lord, Strength.

+ PinkDragon +

There is beauty in walking away.


Don’t let yourself feel small at any cost. Love (By which I mean any kind of love and not just the conventional one) is supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not like a hopeless helpless freak. If someone makes you feels like a violated piece of shit, walk off.

You can take in nonsense for the sake of the affection you feel for someone but letting them walk all over you time and again? Not happening dude.

There is Beauty in walking away. Plus, there’s always champagne.

+ PinkDragon +