This is going to be one of those blog posts where I’ll be doing the thinking and writing together.
I have this question that has been on my mind for a very long time.
What hurts more?
The person you love being emotionally close to someone, truly connecting to someone on a level that would make you feel ‘why not me?’ or that person kissing someone at one randomly guilty moment with no intent whatsoever.
I dont know how many people have read the book “I dint break up, she did. I just kissed someone else.” It’s trashy fiction, wont deny that. But, it has the power to stir something inside you and connect to some if not many of the characters. I had read it back when I was seventeen and now that im reading it again, I can feel my entire perspective getting a more clear and different view from what it did before. It’s crazy how maturity changes so much about how a person looks at things.
I know exactly what lust and love is, and also how blurred the line is that divides it.
You can love someone as truly as possible but there has to be a hint of lust cause how else are you going to be satisfied. But then again, how would you know if your lust overpowers your love? Cause its one hell of a thing. What if it wasn’t love at all, it was lust all along cause when you get something good, you want it continuously with the hidden mask of love and relationship which makes your lust apparently.. justifiable.
Deb was in a relationship for years. An average looking guy in a relationship with an absolute stunner. People envied him, sex was good, it was all rosy with a little fight here and there, all in all life was good for him until something happened that changed his life. The moment he is alone with another girl, he ends up kissing her twice in fifteen days. And parallel to all this, he kept doubting his girl avantika.
Why did he kiss that girl? Why did he feel so close to her? Why did he empathise with her? Why was he always strangely concerned? Why was every mention of this girl malini have a more warm essence to it, and a more possession kind of essence when he referred to his own girlfriend?
Just because she was beautiful and he thought he was average, he always thought he was plain lucky to have her for this long.
One can argue that he always said the right things to her that would well her eyes up. But are words everything? Why dint he do the right things? He couldn’t do something as rudimentary as trusting her, then what good could all the wonderful words do?
Its like you decorate the tree, keep the leaves and stems glistening with perfect trimming and sprinkles of water to make it look fresh and beautiful. You forget about the most important thing, the roots. You dont water the roots with the water adequately needed. It eventually starts.. rotting.
He expected forgiveness when he kissed another woman and his girl saw it right infront of her eyes, yet he couldn’t forgive her girl when she said she did something more with someone.
That girl dint say a word to him about his character and he crossed all boundaries of torturing a person with accusations when his girlfriend did something. Which in reality, she dint. There was a random mention of ‘girls are the ones who forgive and guys would never do it if it were them’ at a football get together which got avantika thinking and she tested deb.
He not only left her, he left with her a memory of snide remarks and horrible accusations. He sure missed her, but his male ego overpowered everything.
He stayed with malini for 2 months in the same house. Made out with her, tended to her when she was ill, cooked for her, cared for her, went out with her and let her do all that for him. He loved her. Every single day.
As his joining date for his job had come and he had to leave for mumbai, malini treated him at this ridiculously expensive resort where he bumped into the guy with whom avantika had cheated him. But did she really do it? No. He finally gets to know that nothing had happened and she was just testing him.
All this while she kept telling him that her love for him was everything and one mistake dint matter. He dint give a shit. He really dint. It hurt him, but his male ego was hurt way too much for him to go back.
Deb went back to avantika, leaving malini. After those 2 months, he really did have it in him to go back to her. Another way of looking at things, after 3 years, he actually did leave avantika.
Oh boy, all these feelings and the cobweb they create with the number of people involved. I feel sad for malini. I really do. As I know this story is based on true events, it makes my heart sink a little more. But fiction or no fiction, im sure this happens a hell lot these days. The more open we’ve become, the more selfish it has made us.
The love and lust difference? Or designating the level at which these two should overlap or balance out is way too blurry. Can you get both from the same person, ideally you should and I believe thats how it should be. But what if the person right infront of you is so sure at convincing himself or herself falsely that they really dont get the difference or unconsciously ignore it? The society doesn’t accept such questions and finds it rather bold or ‘wrong’ for people to point it out but hey, its true.
You can either think over it and save your life from any such complications that may arise by being clear in your own head or you can shove this to some distant part in your head and never think about it again, cause its too much thinking & we all are more prone to flight!
+ PinkDragon +