Desperate for home.

Be careful of what you wish for, because it might actually come true.

Being a teacher in a low income school has been rather frustrating. Each day I’m fighting with the redundant system. And that isn’t even a major part of my struggle here, in the city of dreams.

Mumbai! I entered this city some months ago with a strong sense of possibility brewing within me. Today, I wish I hadn’t come here. I wish I was back home continuing with my struggle there.

Life here has been miserable. I’m dragging myself through this, one day at a time. Maybe I’m tired of my failed attempts at making it better. But have I really tried my all? Is it truly my time to pack up and leave? I don’t know.

“Its just a phase” “It gets better” “You’re just homesick” “Its been 5 months, give it time” “Why don’t you go out” “Just chill”

I’m so sick of hearing this from the few close people I talk to that its become self deprecatingly humorous.

I live with a mentally unstable PG lady and really mean selfish people. They comprise of most of my struggle. Figuring out your meals, teaching 61 kids alone, being in a long distance relationship, the wobbly and exhausting structure of the organisation I work for, having my only friend 20 kms away from me and close relatives 30 kms away, missing my parents and brothers, missing my friends, missing adi.. Figuring out how this city isn’t for me. I’m way too simple and boring to survive in this manipulative world that I never wish to be a part of..

I don’t know if its depression that’s set in, or really “just a phase” like everyone says. I want to go back home.. I want to go home.

I really really want to go home, and never come to this city again.

I want to go home, not for some random break. I want to leave and go back home.

Are you listening God?

+ PinkDragon +